Why we love “Assholes”

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Many times I get asked this question (especially from girls). How come we fall for people that hurt us?
It might be a very complex topic, but yet a very important one.
Heartbreak is quite a serious topic. In a recent study researchers from the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center found that a person’s risk of suffering from a heart attack increases by 21 times in the first 24 hours after losing a loved one.

The definition asshole is usually not how we refer to the person in the beginning. Our date or partner usually becomes an asshole after they dump us, treat us badly or let us down

This raise a very interesting question. How come we start to go out with this asshole in the beginning?

He was so different in the beginning –
A very common statement from people that dated so called “a-holes” is that he or she was so different in the beginning. Its difficult to know if this is actually true, or if we have been swimming in a sea of red flags since the beginning of the relationship, without simply wanting to admit it.

It has actually been proven that people can hide pretty well who they are for the first 2-3 months in a relationship. (an other good reason why you should date someone for a bit longer before you get in couple) So this bring us even deeper down. If you can’t spot them, how can you stop them?

He is  a good person deep down –
Problems problems problems. Everybody got problems. Many people tend to date people that they know is not good for them. Friends and family. Basically everyone around them tells them, but they can’t just stay away.

Some people love to see potential in broken people and project their own weaknesses into them. If we date someone that is a complete disaster, it makes us feel better about ourselves

We love to see potential in people. Just like we shape our own children into better versions of ourselves, we sometimes end up do the same with adults. Some people have a so called “fix personality”.
They love to see potential in broken people and project their own weaknesses into them. If we date someone that is a complete disaster, it automatically makes us feel better in comparison.

Its a very romantic act, but in reality it does not work. Why? Because we are still with that person for the wrong reasons. We spend time together to feel better about ourselves, with someone that can’t barely handle their own life.

Couples become very close and dependent on each other, and to date someone with big personal problems, will lower the quality of your own life, so get prepared for some nice heartache.

Don’t look how this person treat you, but instead watch how he treat other people around him.

So again, how can you actually spot an “a-hole”?
Repetition is the mother of skills. What you do on a daily basis is who you are.
Don’t look how this person treat you, but instead watch how he treat other people around him.

Many times we tell ourselves that we are different than others. By simply looking at someones actions on a daily basis, it gives us a very clear view how someone really is.

Kindness is not the description of a single good act, but rather a type of personality that is built on moral and empathy.

If someone treats you very differently than all the others, and is in general more nice to you, than people around him, that is a huge red flag. Kindness is not the description of a single good act, but rather a type of personality that is built on moral and empathy. Never underestimate the power of kindness.

A man can be strong and confident, but still kind and nice to you. Assholes might put out a very good vibe, but deep down its not your destiny to fix someone.

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